As Mothers’ Day and foster care month coincide in May, we want to honor a special group of moms: those who have opened their hearts and homes to Unaccompanied Refugee Minors (URMs) through LSSNCA’s foster care program.
Allison and Mandy are two such moms. They’ve built beautiful families and learned valuable lessons about motherhood along the way.
In 2018, Allison and her husband first welcomed Dieudonne, a teenager from the Democratic Republic of Congo, into their already busy household with two children under three. Soon after, they welcomed his older brother, Esperant, who was about to age out of the foster care system. Their fostering journey culminated in 2024 when Allison and her husband Joe legally adopted Dieudonne and Esperant.
Mandy, whose family already boasted four children was compelled in 2021 by the Afghanistan crisis, to alongside her husband, open their home to help. In June 2022, they welcomed Noor, a 15-year-old boy who arrived in the U.S. after being separated from his family at the Kabul airport.
Finding time for you
Allison, a resident of D.C. and a mother of four, finds joy in her work and writing children’s and parent parody books in her free time. Allison also loves exploring her neighborhood and connecting with neighbors. Even amidst the busyness of motherhood, Allison prioritizes self-care. “There is no role in life that is more essential than that of motherhood, but it’s also important to carve out time for yourself. You don’t take a class; you’re thrown into motherhood and learn from experience.”
Mandy also understands the importance of self-care. She recognizes the need to create moments for restoration, allowing her to be the best version of herself for her family. Despite the busy household, Mandy prioritizes activities that replenish her spirit. Whether it’s swimming for exercise or taking walks and spin classes with a friend, these activities provide a necessary break. “Getting away and exercising is restorative,” Mandy explains. “It allows me to come back to my family feeling refreshed and ready to give them my all.”
The Surprises of Motherhood
Both Allison and Mandy were surprised by the realities of motherhood. Allison learned firsthand the bottomless pit that seems to be a teenager’s stomach! “I heard all the jokes about teenagers and food,” Allison laughs, “but goodness… Thank God for Costco!”
Mandy, exposed to diverse parenting styles through her travels, emphasizes the importance of respecting each mom’s journey. “As a military spouse, traveling all over the world, I was exposed to all types of mothers,” Mandy says. “Everyone, no matter where they are from, or what they have done (or not done) is carrying a burden of some sort. There are all sorts of ways to parent and we are stronger together.”
Moments that Shape Us
Allison highlights the value of self-awareness. Becoming a mom later in life allowed her to maintain a strong sense of self alongside her maternal role. “I was two weeks shy of 40 when I became a mom,” Allison says. “Being an older mom has its perks, I was, am, settled in who I am and that helps not put my entire identity into my children.”
One pivotal moment shaped Mandy’s parenting philosophy. A school administrator encouraged Mandy to let her children be independent. This led to a style of parenting focused on natural consequences and fostering self-reliance. “The Montessori school administrator, Miss Anna, tapped me on the shoulder and asked what I was doing,” Mandy recalls. “In her 60s, this tiny woman from Sri Lanka changed our lives with that question. She explained that the best thing we could do for our kids is to simply support them, but not ‘do for them.'”
The Power of Relationships
Both moms acknowledge the profound impact their children have had on them. Allison speaks to the unexpected turns motherhood can take, realizing that her children’s well-being comes before rigid rules. “There are so many things I said ‘when I have kids I will never do that,'” Allison admits, “but you realize kids have their own personalities and you care about their joy and all of a sudden you are at Chuck E. Cheese and overstimulated so that they can have fun.”
Mandy cherishes the love and gratitude she shares with her kids. “I love my kids and am grateful every day for each of them,” Mandy says simply.
Wisdom Gained Along the Way
Allison emphasizes the importance of letting go of comparisons and trends. Success for her is measured by her children feeling loved, supported, and safe. “I gave up following all the blogs, advice columns, trends,” Allison says. “What works for my family is the goal. If my kids go to bed feeling loved, supported and safe then I have succeeded as a parent.”
Mandy highlights the importance of establishing clear boundaries and self-care. She emphasizes the airline safety metaphor – taking care of yourself first allows you to better care for others. “We established some house rules way back when they were young,” Mandy says. “These rules have been crucial for keeping everything in order. But also, as they say in the airlines, ‘put on your own oxygen mask first.’ I try to at least take some time for myself so that I can better support them, however this is a muscle that I’m still trying to strengthen!”
Allison and Mandy are just two examples of the incredible foster mothers who provide a safe haven for URM youth. Their stories remind us that motherhood comes in many forms, and that love, and compassion is enough to create a family. Interested in becoming a foster parent? Sign-up here.
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